Worthy

So right now, I want to just blow off a little steam. Only a little.

I have had the most beautiful day at work. You know when you get so crazy busy, that there’s not a moment to think. You kinda get into a groove, like a chariot picking up speed and it just flows.

Wha, so just as you hit top speed, someone comes along and instantly flips over your li'l speeding chariot.

My FLOP (fundamental life operating procedure) has been from the stance that I am not good enough, and I am not worthy (cancel those thoughts).

So the last 4 months I have made steady progress in that department, working on becoming aware of my worth as a being, and that when I give my best, my 100% that’s good enough.

Now, it’s been hard work for me and I can honestly say that I have come a long way, but some days, it’s just so easy to fall back into that old pattern. Then it takes a bit to get yourself out of it again. It happened to me this week from late Monday afternoon till early Wednesday morning. Where I was so out of sorts with myself, fortunately with some awesome support from a respected and most valued friend's writing, I got to recognise what was happening to me (I was doubting my worth), and I got back on track.

Just in time too, coz today, I put in EVERYTHING at work, we were one staff member short, so naturally we had to pick up the slack. And what do you know, just as I hit top speed, and produced the best advert I have done this year. The powers that be snubbed it. “Yes, it’s gorgeous, but…” (Like so many times before) *sigh*

Man, do I dislike that word these days. “BUT” To me it has become a word of resistance. Resistance to WHAT IS. And I am on the path of non-resistance now, you see.

Chariot’s wheels came off. So naturally after huffing and puffing for a few minutes, about how almost nothing we do is ever good enough, I took a step back. “Whoa, Nelly. Wait up girl, you gave it everything. And you were darn proud of it. What does it matter what they think. Yes, so you have to re-do the darned thing, but remember that sense of pride you had when you had first finished it. That’s what it’s about. You gave them everything. That’s GOOD ENOUGH“

They did not like it. That’s their issues. Not mine right?

And in that moment, I just knew, that no matter what they say anymore, as long as I give my best and I am happy with the product, they can criticize all they like, it will not affect me. If they are not happy with my best, that’s their problem. No matter how many times I have to redo it to please them. "Just do your best darling, du-du-du" *whistles the melody to Absolutely Fabulous by the Pet Shop Boys* Don't make fun, it's an awesome song, k! "Lights, models, guestlist... just do your best darling."

Big loads of wasted energy on huffing and puffing freed up for me to employ, and still have the benefit of enjoying ALL the beauty in my day.

So, with a special thank you to a friend, whose journey has been, and still is an inspiration to me, I have been able to make a personal breakthrough on the self-worth front. And that to me is huge.

For those who want to find some practical and very efficient ways to improve their lives. Here’s a good place to start.

www.bonita-g.blogspot.com/