Realisations

First off, I want to apologise for expressing things on the blog that was clearly not ready for public consumption. I had obviously not had a firm grasp on my self yet when I posted them.

However, they are there now - and there are no mistakes, only a result to deal with. So I am not looking at it as a mistake, but an opportunity to learn. To truly deal with something first before I splatter it onto a public forum.

I trust I will remain aware of this lesson for the future.


Some of my realisations:

1. Self-pity is really NOT pretty - and not meant to be shared.
2. Self-pity and anger blinds me to the beauty and the little things
3. How quickly my bruised EGO slapped me into forgetfulness and self-pity
4. Spoiling loved ones is exactly that - SPOILING
5. Keep focusing on the joy in my life. If it is a lot, or a little. It is still joy
6. Love does not harbor EXPECTATION, if it does, it's NOT unconditional

These are all things that I am already aware of, but still just one momentary lapse in awareness, caused me 3 days of utter distress and emotional chaos.

Emotional chaos is a place that I have been intimately familiar with. It is also a space that I have dedicated the last 4 months of my life, to remain out of, with a certain measure of success. It is just my reminder to myself to ALWAYS pay attention and be aware of my feelings and thoughts. That even the tiniest indulgence of my ego can make my life really difficult, and once I am there, it's so easy to want to stay there. The comfort-zone of my past.

I needed some valuable support and a swift, decent kick in the behind to make me want to get out of that gap.

Carina, my soul sis, thank you for your support and just the teeniest, tiniest bit of tough love (I definitely needed it). I appreciate it immensely. Thank you for pointing out certain things. I had and still have a lot to think about and DEAL with.

Our chat opened my heart enough to actually see all the care that I am receiving. Not the way I "expected" it, but it is there. Thank you for pointing that out for me too - and for showing me that my focus was on all the "wrong" things, and when I realised this, I could see all the "right" and beautiful things, love and care surrounding me. I could shift my focus onto what I wanted, not what I did not want.

That immediately put me back in touch with the gratitude and the joy.

Bon, my friend, thank you for your HOW TO MOVE FORWARD post on your blog. This is the second time in 2 weeks this post in particular post has helped me work through some stuff. This time though, I just jumped the gun a little. Your blog is a constant source of learning and immeasurable support for me.

I thank you both generously for your sharing so freely of your experiences. It helps me grow every day. You are lighthouses that illuminate the way. Thank you for the impeccable timing you had to step in and become part of my journey and my learning. You are valued and appreciated beyond comprehension. ALWAYS.

Namaste fellow journeyers.
Much love and care, always
Charlize