Forgiveness, willingness and random thoughts

I find that I have a lot of difficulty forgiving myself for lapses and bad reactions. This week though, I have taken a different approach to my “challenges”, I really just gave myself space to let everything bubble up and eventually out. I have not been harsh with myself for not being my “happy” self for a couple of days. It’s taken a few days, but finally I can feel that the snarky-ness is naturally beginning to give way to a more joyful disposition.

I have however also done a lot of introspection during this time. Writing down whatever it was that I was feeling, and last night I got to a space, where I discovered a willingness in my being that wasn’t there before. I was taught that what you are willing to do, determines what you can do. So this was a big moment for me.

So in this space, I have broken through some previously constructed comfort and fear off loss. I have been dedicated to my truth for some time now, but I now realise that there was still some resistance to really let go and release.

This has really given me a sense of freedom and I feel like I have finally made a significant breakthrough – especially when I received some specific guidance during my meditation last night. It was very simple guidance, but soooo welcomed with an open heart. My biggest desire right now is to focus on establishing a more constant, direct and open com-line to my divine guidance. This is all that I am focussing on now - to really listen and follow the guidance. I know this will probably take me away from some things I love, but what matters to me most now, is that this is my time. Time to give 100% towards creating the life I dream of. Mediocrity and half shine is no longer an option. BE, DO, HAVE right.

So, as far as random thoughts go, as I walked into my house tonight and as I was running the tub, my mom phones me up with the strangest proposition. She will pay me for writing her a story… the title of the story: “The ticket says Fairytale.”

And I was struck by the frequency that the word “Fairytale” has shown up in my life over the last 2 months. Not even mentioning that 2 years ago I discovered a song that holds more significance to me than I care to explain right now, it’s also a song that I have not shared with anyone, until today. It’s called "Real life fairytale". Maybe one day I will share the significance... right now, it's just to illustrate a point.

So this made me think also of how much “rainbows” have come up for me in recent weeks, the letter Y, the number 2, Geese and Rabbits? Synchronicity… it’s time I start paying attention and contemplate what I am being guided to see and realise.

What I can say is that I had after months of wondering, finally figured out the letter Y. I looked up the Rabbit as a totem yesterday and discovered that it was associated with the Goddess Hecate... she was the Goddess of the crossroads. It was put down in the explanation that she is the Goddess of the Y- (or 3-way) crossroads.

Interesting information, coz that's exactly where I find myself right now...

Yep, so cheers to digging deeper… to freedom of being and discovering more truths.

Much love, joy and peace
C