Echoes

"Always something there to remind you."

Last night, as I was writing, I heard my mom speak on the phone. It was a phrase that that echoed from a distant past – one long forgotten and deeply and probably not so neatly packed away. Or so I thought.

At once I was 8 years old again, paralyzed with fear. In all the childhood work I have done in recent months, like a scary clown faced jack-in-the-box, something popped out from an unexplored, unremembered “box-o’ memories” - I was still unpleasantly surprised by the venom in its bite.

Is it possible to forget certain things so completely, bury things so deeply that when you are trying consciously to remember them, they are just not there? Or is it that I just did not know where else to look? In this case, apparently.

For long minutes my being was flooded with emotions, flashbacks and some deep seated fear. But then, just as suddenly as it came, it was gone, EVERTHING inside went deathly quiet - and I found myself peacefully drifting in vast space.

I remembered, I was no longer 8 and I have been given all the tools needed to explore this new opportunity presented to me, to deal with something that I didn’t even know I did not know.

So, proverbial flashlight in hand, I went back, gloves on, and took a good look around, and to my own astonishment, I found – things really aren’t as scary as they used to be - though the context was remarkably similar. That fear that it evoked could firmly be faced, stared down into “submission” – and gratefully integrated into my journey. No gloves needed.

I was in charge now. I was in charge of how I was going to ACT upon this challenge. It truly is astounding how just a little awareness can throw enough light onto a situation, aid you in flushing out and confronting those sneaky little “demons” pitter-pattering around in our deepest, darkest subconscious – trying desperately to avoid the light.

Just makes me wonder how many other unremembered things will pop up for me to stare in the face, to finally be released? All I know is, now I am no longer afraid of them. I want them to pop up, so I can clear more inner space.

Each challenge – now represents me with a new opportunity to learn and grow – that enables me to stand tall. And more inner space to bask in the light. From this perspective, I am enthused to venture inward with courage, a fearless exploration.

Much gratitude and love.