Risk?

Today I found myself in a fit of hysterical giggles at work.

In my quiet moments, I find myself thinking a lot these days about the person I used to be, and comparing it with who I am now. And I find it so strange and fascinating, that in essence, at the core I haven’t changed all that much. But on the surface, I can see such a huge difference. What’s that saying, the more we change, the more we stay the same?

I guess it was around the age of 22 when my very first boss started a discussion session on Friday afternoons at work. Thought provoking stuff, and somehow, there are some things that remain with me still. One of which is, the theory of the onion skin – the other, is that you should always look for the magic in people. Thanks Anna, you were the one who opened the door to my journey 10 years ago. I'll always love you like crazy.

So this is how she explained it: As we are all aware. Onions have layers, and we as people all have those same layers. The first couple of outer layers are those that we would classify as behaviour, then as you peel back the layers, you will get to the values, peeling back to the core, which is our beliefs.

And when you look at just those three things, behaviour is something that can easily be modified, values are a bit more tricky, coz they stem from our beliefs, but in the end, they can, with some effort on our part, also be modified. But when you get to the core – our beliefs… that’s another matter entirely. It would have to take something really “earth shattering” to change them. This is where the finding the magic in people comes from.

So, when dealing with people, I always try to find the core of the person, and it really makes it easy to care for people when you can see the magic in another person. If you know a person’s values, you can undoubtedly peg what their beliefs are, and once you can do that… *poof* you find the magic.

It’s pure beauty…

I find that sometimes I don’t understand someone’s behaviour, but because I know their values or their core, I can still relate to them, and really care for them - even when their behaviour really stupefies me at times.

So this is where the giggles comes in, I was thinking about how my beliefs are just the same as they have always been, and life process gave me a clear outline of what my values are. But my behaviour has changed in ways that cannot be described…

But one thing remains a fact. I have always been very intense and deeply passionate about things, a fact that I used to cover up with humor. Just so I didn’t scare people with my intensity, because that happened all too often when I was younger. I cultivated this “fun” persona to fit in, and not ridiculed for my passion and intensity. The fear of not being accepted for who I was, was taking the REAL ME away from me and the people in my life. (Hmmmm... watch the company you keep. You are who you hang with? Being with people who behave the same as me... but not the same values... sounds like a recipe for disaster. :) I've had my fair share thanks.)

I still find days that I feel the fear of being authentically me, but I try to step through that fear every time I notice it now.

So in passing today, I asked a friend, why she thinks my intensity and passion sometimes scare people. Her answer: “Wouldn’t you be scared if you saw a tsunami coming?”

LOL… Man, I snickered for almost a half an hour!

I guess I get her point, but holding back really is not an option any longer. Now I give it all… coz when I do, freedom follows and fear dissolves. I risk - being authentically me.

Have a brilliant weekend, filled with divine beauty, passion and intensity.
Much love and joy to all
C