WAR!!! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

I have found the last 2 weeks to be two of the most challenging weeks I have experienced in such a long time, and during these two weeks, I have really been challenged with the feeling of being/feeling stuck, like there is no motion whatsoever – not forward or even backwards. Like a “Dead” Zone.

For me, there is no feeling worse in this world that experiencing that frustrating motionlessness. It kinda feels like I have been shrink-wrapped and vacuum-sealed – from head to toe… emotionally, mentally, at times spiritually and on occasion even physically.

Now, I duly recognise, this is just another phase in the cycle of my life, but still, these phases have the ability to bring out some really interesting things. One of these things, that were really noticeable for me, in this past week, had been the dramatic increase in the war between my innermost, opposite parts.

The part where my most unshakable FAITH resides - pitted against a raging torrent of DOUBT, my EGO against my deepest sense of SELF - literally leaving me feeling “beside” My SELF, a gagged and bound witness to this war.

This has left me feeling bewildered, defenceless and indescribably displaced in the face of its ferocity and in its ability to keep me locked in the same “spot” for its full duration thus far.

I have been taught that when a certain emotion lingers, to just surrender to it, feel it and allow it to be, because all it wants is just the opportunity to exist and to be acknowledged. Generally, this would bring about some sense of movement – whether it’s backward or forward, but there’s movement.

This time though, it has just raged on, without restraint. No amount of allowing, feeling and surrendering seemed to lead any some sort of reconciliatory conclusion.

But out of nowhere, suddenly, today there seemed to be just the teeniest, tiniest feeling of motion. Has the headlock been broken? Tomorrow will reveal more, for now, I am just grateful, it feels as if out of nowhere, my sense of faith and self, seemed to edge itself into a position of advantage.

Is this how a phase of endings conclude and will this minute advantage lead me back towards the centre of my being, with a valuable lesson and platform to launch from anew?

Namaste!

Love and light
Charlize