Flip-FLOP

Yesterday has brought me back to my FLOP (fundamental life operating procedure), where I function from a place where I feel I am unlovable, not worthy and not good enough. This has been a constant challenge for me, however it did seem to move into the background for a while. And yesterday, it hit me again - like a ton of bricks. :)

And while speaking to a friend on the phone earlier, I was pointed to the fact that fear has yet again settled in my bones and that I need to release it, because it keeps me from meaningful and awesome experiences in my life. Experiences I would love to have.

After all that I have already seen, felt and experienced, can I still doubt that I am just as valuable as all else?

How could others possibly treat me as worthy, lovable and good enough if I don't feel these things about myself? No wonder I am experiencing that people withdraw from me, coz they don't want that responsibility placed upon them of making me feel these things about myself.

My retreat has started, so I can start nurturing myself, so I no longer unconciously or consciously place this burden upon those I love and care for. To learn the beauty and power that lies in self-acceptance and self-love. To truly heal and integrate my worth, cos my heart knows and believes this, but my head still keeps tripping me up.

Now I am really experiencing that connection between mind, body and spirit. They all need to believe, not just one or two parts of me. So working dilligently with powerful affirmations to "train" my mind through Neurolinguistic Programming. Someone else told me last week that with affirmations, you are effectively activating new neural pathways in your brain. Someone else mentioned that it should be done with feeling to enhance the effect. So there's already 2 of the 3 aspects in working, and faith, trust and spirit the last. That I have in boundless amounts.

Now to teach my body and mind to align with my spirit... and finding my "wings", coz I am worthy, I am good enough and I am lovable.